What happens when husbands lose interest in sex

What happens when husbands lose interest in sex

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So often, the key to sexual satisfaction may not be as a result of penis size, stamina records, or a technical isolation of the G-spot, good foreplay and so on. Rather, it should also be about understanding oneself and one’s partner’s desires. By recognising that real couples are not born with a perfect, divinely granted understanding of sex and sexuality but are made, and we all get better by the day.

Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women. When men lose interest in sex, it scares them more than women. It affects about 15-16 per cent of men and the statistics doubles or sometimes increases three times in women. Loss of libido bothers men more and makes them unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does women. Only 23 per cent of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general versus 46 per cent of women.

Their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality. From statistics, men do not like to talk about it; neither do their wives. However, loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other sexual dysfunction. It can be embarrassing to talk about one’s sex life and get back to being intimate with one’s spouse. Loss of libido is not something men have to live with. There are so many things one can do to regain a good sex drive and have a happy outlook on life. In fact, sex therapists can pinpoint the source of the problem and may recommend lifestyle interventions.

So many times, men are not even aware that they have problem with loss of libido until we get talking in my office or while counselling them over the phone. How do you know if you have problem with loss of libido?

Libido loss does not usually happen suddenly, it is not like catching a cold and you start sneezing or coughing. Though difficult to define precisely, loss of libido is a lack of interest in sex for several months. Frequency of sexual activity is not the best measure of sexual interest, because so many circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is there. However, if you are married and having sex less often than the norm, about at least once a week, you might ask yourself whether you are happy with things as they are.

If you are not happy about your loss of libido, researchers agree that it is best to tackle these issues before they become deep-rooted. To help identify the early warning signs, see whether you answer the following questions true or false:

Touching takes place only in the bedroom [many African traditional oriented couples find this difficult to answer but touching should be done anywhere anytime]
Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.
One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.
You no longer look forward to sex.
Sex is mechanical and routine.
You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse for ages.
You have sex once or twice a month at most.
If you answered true to many or most of these questions, you may be on your way to losing sexual desire. Understanding the various causes is the first step to finding the appropriate resolution. So today, we shall be looking at systematic programme to rekindle sexual desire in low-sex and no-sex marriage relationships.

The brain is an often-overlooked erogenous zone. Sexual excitement starts in your head and works its way down. Sadness, hopelessness and dejection can dampen your spouse desire and can lead to erectile dysfunction.

Depression can dampen your desire and can lead to erectile dysfunction. Ironically, many of the drugs used to treat depression can also suppress your sex drive and make it harder to get an erection.

Many husbands confide in me that most times they consider having a few drinks to get in the mood, which may not be a bad idea at all but I have a problem with this in two areas. One, which brand of alcohol are you consuming? Two, what quantity are you consuming? If you are not taking healthy alcohol, for example, real red wine that is good for the heart, your whole body and your sexual activities may be in danger of overloading synthetic brews. Secondly, overindulging and addictiveness of any drink could make it harder for a man to finish the sexual act, simply because too much of everything is bad, and alcohol does not help increase erection or give good stamina on the long run but rather it gives an euphoric feel initially and later gradually destroys sexual performance . Heavy alcohol use can interfere with erections, but the negative effects are usually not seen immediately. The good news is that moderate drinking of real red wine one or two cups a day might have health benefits like reducing heart disease risks. And those risks are similar to erectile dysfunction risks, too.

The contents of your medicine cabinet could affect your performance in the bedroom. A long list of common drugs can cause ED, including certain blood pressure drugs, pain medications, and antidepressants. Street drugs like amphetamines, cocaine, and marijuana can cause sexual problems in men. It is not easy to get in the mood when you are overwhelmed by responsibilities at work and home. Stress can take its toll on many different parts of a man’s body, including the penis. Deal with stress by making lifestyle changes that promote well-being and relaxation, such as exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and seeking professional help when appropriate. So therefore, you have to reduce stress. Stress is common to everyone. Our bodies are designed to feel stress and react to it. It keeps us alert and ready to avoid danger. However, it is not always possible to avoid or change events that may cause stress and it is easy to feel trapped and unable to cope. When stress persists, the body begins to break down and illnesses can occur. The key to coping with stress is to identify stressors in your life and learn ways to direct and reduce stress.

Learning an effective means of relaxation and using it regularly is a good first step. Allow yourself some “quiet time,” even if it is just a few minutes. Examine and modify your thinking, particularly unrealistic expectations. Talking problems out with a friend or family member can help put things in proper perspective. Seeking professional assistance can help you gain a new perspective on how to manage some of the more difficult forms of stress. Other approaches to reducing stress include; keep a positive attitude, believe in yourself, accept that there are events you cannot control, be assertive instead of aggressive. “Assert” your feelings, opinions, or beliefs instead of becoming angry, combative, or passive. Learn to relax. Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit. Eat well-balanced meals. Stop smoking. Limit or avoid use of alcohol and caffeine. Set realistic goals and expectations. Get enough rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events. Don’t rely on alcohol or drugs to reduce stress. Learn to use stress management techniques and coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing or guided imagery. Anger can make the blood rush to your face, but not to the one place you need it when you want to have sex. It is not easy to feel romantic when you are raging, whether your anger is directed at your wife or not. Unexpressed anger or improperly expressed anger can contribute to performance problems in the bedroom. Worrying that you will not be able to perform in bed can make it harder for you to do just that. Anxiety from other parts of your life can also spill over into the bedroom. All that worry can make you fear and avoid intimacy, which can spiral into a vicious cycle that puts a big strain on your sex life and relationship.

Carrying extra pounds can influence your sexual performance, and not just by lowering your self-esteem. Obese men produce less of the male hormone testosterone, which is important for sexual desire and producing an erection. Being overweight is also linked to high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries, which can reduce blood flow to the penis. This invariably leads to low self-image. When you do not like what you see in the mirror, it’s easy to assume your partner isn’t going to like the view, either. A negative self-image can make you worry not only about how you look, but also how well you’re going to perform in bed. That performance anxiety can make you too anxious to even attempt sex. Low libido is another thing that can deflate a man’s erection. It is not the same as erectile dysfunction, but a lot of the same factors that stifle an erection can also dampen your interest in sex. Low self-esteem, stress, anxiety, and certain medications can all reduce your sex drive. When all those worries are tied up with making love, your interest in sex can take a nosedive.

Many different health conditions can affect the nerves, muscles, or blood flow that is needed to have an erection. Diabetes, high blood pressure, hardening of the arteries, spinal cord injuries, and multiple sclerosis can all contribute to ED. Surgery to treat prostate, haemorrhoid and bladder problems can also affect the nerves and blood vessels that control an erection.

One way to improve erectile dysfunction is to make some simple lifestyle changes. For some men, adopting a healthier lifestyle, such as quitting smoking, exercising regularly, and reducing stress, may be all that is needed to find relief. For those who require more intensive treatment, adopting these lifestyle changes in addition to other treatments can further help. Quitting smoking can be very difficult and there is no single best way to quit that works for all people. Regular exercise can improve your health in many ways. Along with improving erectile function, exercise can: strengthen the heart, improve the flow of oxygen in the blood, and build energy levels, lower blood pressure improves muscle tone and strength. It can also strengthen and build bones, help reduce body fat, help reduce stress, tension, anxiety, and depression, boost self-image and self-esteem, improve sleep, make you feel more relaxed and rested, make you look fit and healthy.

To get the most benefit, you should exercise at least 20 to 30 minutes, preferably on most days of the week. Current studies suggest that at least five times a week is best. If you are a beginner, exercise for a few minutes each day and build up to 30 minutes. When starting out, you should plan a routine that is easy to follow and stick with. As the programme becomes more routine, you can vary your exercise times and activities. Here are some tips to get you started. Choose an activity you enjoy. Exercising should be fun, not a chore. Schedule regular exercise into your daily routine. Add a variety of exercises so that you do not get bored. Exercise does not have to put a strain on your wallet. Avoid buying expensive equipment or health club memberships unless you are certain you will use them regularly. Stick with it. If you exercise regularly, it will soon become part of your lifestyle. By next week God willing we shall see more of this, until then I remain your one and only bedroom instructor, keep the fire of passionate sex burning.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

My wife hardly makes first move

Whenever we make love, my wife seems to enjoy it as much as I do. However, she hardly makes the first move. I told her that I would like her to do so, occasionally and she accepted. Still, she did not change. Why is she like this and how can I make her do what I want?

Mr Loman Rufus

This type of complaint is common among married couples. The average Nigerian male thinks about sex several times in a day. Such frequent sexual thoughts may eventually compel him to have sex with his wife. This is how God made men. Whether it is a sport car or practical automobile, the vehicle for your sex life is typically on the drive mode. Your wife on the other hand, is not ‘sexually wired’ the same way. Most women are in the neutral mode. They are not opposed to sex; they just need to be properly stimulated to get them moving.

Once you initiate sex and she is receptive, both of you will move forward. Frequently, about 10 minutes into foreplay, a woman begins to be aroused, enjoy herself, and becomes aware of her desire for sex. Therefore, she is being honest when she expresses her enjoyment and desire to please by saying that she would like to initiate sex. Then, she will probably not even think about sex for a long while. She does not think about it until you initiate or bring up the subject. While she might agree that, she ‘should’ initiate sex or is willing to do so occasionally, it is difficult to get her in the mood when she is not thinking sexual thoughts.

Make sure you are not missing her promptings. Many couples do not agree as to how to initiate lovemaking or what actually constitutes an initiation, so they miss each other’s signals. Women typically initiate sex in more subtle forms. Your wife’s initiation might be as subtle as taking a shower after work. Make sure you talk about how she prefers to let you know she is in the mood.

My man sleeps with homo

My husband of sixteen years recently confessed to me that he slept with a homosexual whom he met while hunting for a job in Victoria Island, Lagos. I was shocked and devastated. He says he loves me and still finds me sexually attractive, but that he feels attracted to muscular, confident men with cute faces. Although he begged me to help him, I feel insecure and betrayed, is there any hope for us?

Loretta Aramipoku

If you are a little patient and you show him love and understanding, you will be able to get him out of this problem. Find out how long this ‘type’ of thing has been going on and the level of his involvement. Then try to find out where both of you went wrong about your sexual obligation and also where you both can go for counselling and spiritual help. He needs deliverance and help.

His penis too big and large

I notice that my husband’s penis is too big and large, which is not only scary but he compounds the situation by thrusting in so intensely. Can I get pregnant with the depth and intensity of his thrusting? Wouldn’t those thrusting abort pregnancy?

Mrs Andrew

I am sure you are expressing this type of panic because you are newlywed and maybe you have not been sexually active before now. You will eventually get used to his penis size. All he needs to do is good foreplay with you so that you would be completely aroused, your vagina relaxes and ready for sex. Inasmuch as your vagina can accommodate the head of a new baby, it can accommodate any penis size. Heart to heart talk is very crucial in sex; express your worries to your husband while thrusting is in progress. Tell him you want him to be gentle.

Funmi Akingbade

PUNCH.

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